A Broke Man’s Guide to a Badass Bloody!

by Simon Mullin

How to Make a Bucket of Badass Bloody Mary’s for Pennies in Brooklyn

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From a young age, I always knew my grandpa (known in our Ashkenazi household as “Papa”) to be a drinker. No I’m not talking about a couple glasses of wine at dinner and calling it a night; this silver-haired Don Juan of whiskey knows how to kick back and drink his college-aged grandkids over and under the table like he was an animal house coed.

And Papa taught me one of the most powerful life lessons I still hold to this day: how to concoct a killer Bloody Mary. I’d like to introduce you to my grandpa’s “Bloody Moses” and share how to make a bucket of this delectable drink for what you can find under your couch pillows.

Papa‘s Bloody Moses

Don’t pretend like you don’t have vodka in the house. Check the freezer. Under the bed. Maybe in the shower? If you really can’t find any, head on over to Richie’s Wine & Liquors on Grand & Bushwick for a $6 bottle of the finest Giorgi’s vodka.

  1. Invite 4 of your brokest friends
  2. Fill a pitcher with ice
  3. Pour 5 ounces of Giorgi’s liquid confidence into the pitcher
  4. Liberally (the only way in Brooklyn) douse 20 shots of Worcester sauce ($2 at Key Foods on Grand)
  5. Add 10 splashes of Trader Joe’s Jalapeno Pepper Hot Sauce ($1.99 bottle)
  6. 5 spoon-fulls of chopped horse raddish ($2.50 at Associated on Grand Street)
  7. Pour your Associated Brand tomato juice ($2 a gallon) and stir
  8. My favorite broke-ass part: GARNISH!

Look in your fridge. You can garnish Papa’s Bloody Moses with carrots and the like, or you could grow a pair and throw in some Brooklyn Brine pickles, TJ’s olives and a fat stack of Chicago-style hard salami.

Who’s the weekend hero now? You just got you and 4 friends drunk AND fed for under $3/head. Drink up! You deserve it.

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